Out of the Mouths of Babes

It’s hard to be a kid these days

We’re growing up too fast

Each new generation grows up

Faster than the last

We’ve traded dolls for Retinol

And skipping ropes for phones

We’re dieting by middle school

If we’re not skin and bones

We’ve swapped cartoons for horror flicks

And outdoor play for pills

In school we practice lockdowns

Not just routine fire drills

We’ve become desensitized

To the harshness that we see

We play first-person shooter games

Forget Monopoly

Society is quick to blame

But we didn’t make ourselves this way

We need some better role models

To lead the world today

Hocus pocus, time to focus

Where did Focus go? 

It drifted off to someplace else

To where, I do not know

It moves so fast, it’s hard to see

And harder still to track

It goes without me knowing

When or if it’s coming back

At times, it goes without me

And at other times, I drive

But either way, it’s safe to say

It makes it hard to thrive

In a world where people

Always need me to be here

To listen, watch, and do things

That to me, aren’t always clear

They program every moment

Of my morning, noon, and night

Sometimes I feel I cannot breathe

It all just feels too tight

It’s not that I don’t understand

Why I must brush and floss

Eat healthy food, manage my mood

And look before I cross

It’s not that I don’t realize

With practice you get better

But homework and piano scores

Can sometimes feel like fetters

I understand more than you think

Regardless of my age

I understand that maybe Focus

Wants to leave its cage

I don’t have a solution

But I need you all to know

That every time you call my name

It makes me want to go

It doesn’t bring me closer

It just makes me want to run

To hitch a ride with Focus

And escape to somewhere fun

I don’t mean to be difficult

I just need some empathy

Can you please make some room for me

Where I can just be free?

Can’t you see 

I’m not 6 anymore?

I’ve circled the sun 

Nearly five times more

That is to say

I’ve made five extra trips

And not that my age 

Equals 5 x 6

Haven’t you noticed

I’m nearly your height?

It seems that I’m adding

An inch every night

It feels much too fast at times

Even for me

And sometimes I wish 

I was still only 3

Everything seemed so much 

Simpler back then

And so much more fun 

Than my life after 10

Just running around the house 

Filled me with glee

And when I got tired

You’d just carry me

We’d play hide and seek 

While I counted to 20

I’d pick the same spots 

And you’d think it was funny

We’d play make-believe 

And we’d dress up my toys

And back then 

You were not so allergic to noise

After three or four years 

I was still having fun

Although somewhat more serious 

Play had begun

I’d post letters to fairies 

Through our magical door

And they would write back 

And then ask me for more

But after another two years 

Had gone by

This childhood magic 

Had started to die

I cannot say when 

I precisely outgrew it

But hard as I try

I can’t seem to Undo it

So here we are now 

And I’m almost 11

Yet you seem to forget 

I’m not younger than 7

I’m growing up fast 

And it’s hitting me too

But maybe it’s time 

We leaned into the new

OK, so I’m a bully

But you don’t understand me fully ….

You’re all so quick to say I’m mean

A heartless, evil brute

But there is much behind the scenes

That you do not compute

Yes, I often crave attention

But I’m not a narcissist

I’m just a kid who needs affection

But is usually dismissed

I may have been deprived of love

Or basic forms of care

My parents may have been too harsh

Or simply never there

It’s not always their fault, of course

But you can safely wager

I carry scars from trauma

That are nothing short of major

“Hurt people hurt people”

I’ve heard it said this way

To me, it makes most perfect sense

But I know it’s not OK

I know that what I do is wrong

I know it isn’t fair

To punish other people

For the hurts that I can’t share

Sometimes I really know this

And sometimes I get stuck

Feeling insecure and small

So I drag them through the muck

It may seem that I’m proud of this

But really I’m just trying

To mask the pain I feel inside

And to keep myself from crying

I don’t want anyone to see

This sissy part of me

I’d rather that they think I’m bad

Than find out that I’m weak

Sometimes pushing people down

Makes me feel less alone

I wish I didn’t have to act

Like this to feel at home

I wish that I could fix the parts

Of me that are so broken

I wish that all the things I said

Were always kindly spoken

I wish I could be normal

I wish I had real friends

I wish I wasn’t someone

Who belittles and offends

I wish I didn’t hate myself

And take it out on you

I wish someone would hear me

And help me make it through

By now you must have noticed

That we’re not like other kids

Even things that seem so small

Can make us flip our lids

You’ve tried punishments and consequences

But they don’t really work

In fact, they often backfire

And just make us go berserk

Incentives and rewards

Are also largely ineffective

When we’re in a state of rage

We can't exactly be reflective

Nothing seems to matter

When we’re in this type of state

If you try to reason with us then

You’ll just make the state INFLATE

We have trouble being flexible

And handling frustration

We don’t like the unexpected

Change inflames our irritation

We promise you that we do not

Prefer to be this way

Raging, stomping, screaming

Having meltdowns every day

We’re not trying to be difficult

And we’re not looking for attention

We’re not lacking motivation

We just need some intervention

Not the kind where people tell us

How and who to be

Not the kind where we submit

To their authority

What we need is something else

We need help to improve

We need someone to teach us skills

So we can learn to move

Beyond these situations

And in healthier directions

We need you to work with us

So that we can make corrections

We need you to think ahead

By studying the past

To identify the triggers

That often come before a blast

Then with an empathic heart

Wear the hat of a detective

Ask us questions to find out

What’s wrong from our perspective

If we listen to each other

And make plans to work together

We can find solutions

That will make us all feel better

*This poem was inspired by Dr. Ross Greene’s book, The Explosive Child. If you are a parent, family member, or teacher of a child with behavioural challenges, I highly recommend reading this book. You (and the kid) will be grateful that you did.

What if I’m dumb

And I never become

Whatever you dreamed I would be?

What if I fail

Or end up in jail

And I never earn my degree?

What if mistakes

Cannot be erased

Even if I burn the pages?

What if my ways

Are not just a phase

And you can’t deal with the changes?

What if you wish

You could trade me for fish?

An easier creature to raise

Fish don’t talk back

Or have a real knack  

For making their parents go crazed

What if I’m not 

What you thought you bought

What if I’m more than you asked for?

Will you still love me

If you want to shove me

Or will you just show me the door?

To my own children, I hope you know that I will ALWAYS love you – no matter what. 

Before you reprimand us

Please try to understand us

There’s a valid reason

Why we don’t like hearing “no”

Why we don’t like being ordered

When and how and where to go

When we challenge your directives

We’re often labeled as “defiant”

But what we’re truly seeking

Is to be more self-reliant

We know our tantrums aren’t pretty

And our tempers can run high

But when we feel we’re losing freedom

Our reaction is to cry

With tears or screams 

Or both of these

We’re urging you to grasp

That even though we’re little

We are not a “thing” to clasp

We are people, just like you

With needs and motivations

That won’t always align with yours

Despite your expectations

“No” is sometimes necessary

To stop us in our tracks

If we’re about to run in traffic

Or touch molten candle wax

Of course you want to keep us safe

And for that we’re truly grateful

But unless we’re in real danger

Please allow us to stay playful

There was once a time

When all of you were more like us

Free-spirited and joyful

Living life without the fuss

But over time this part of you

Was gradually phased out

Even well-intentioned grown-ups

Will pass on their fear and doubt

Someone has to break the cycle

And that someone could be YOU

Living needn’t be a struggle

If you’d remember what you knew